Early Warning Signs

I like to think of myself as open minded and accepting of others. I allow far too many second chances and at times I’d slap someone if they told me they had done some of the things that I do. Mostly these ridiculous things happen due to women. I tend to overlook the big bad flashing red flags and accept her as she is. And nine times out of ten it comes back to bite my ass.

 

So my dear readers I am presenting to you my list of red flags or early warning signs that usually indicate you should abandon ship post-haste.

 

1. The first date test: First impressions really are that important. So if your date arrives a half hour late, changes where she wants to meet you and walks past you when you get there chances are it’s not going to get much better.
2. The second chance: Because both you and I have more than likely passed the first date off as ‘just one of those things’ or ‘she was having a bad day’ or any other number of ridiculous lies we feed ourselves the second chance may just be when you start to see those warning signs. Some second chance warning signs may include:
   • Who organized it? If it was you and you also organized the first date chances are she’s just not that into you.
   • Did she seem really interested in it? If her answers included the words ‘I don’t really mind/care’, ‘Yeah grand’ or ‘Oh no wait I do have something that day’ and then weren’t followed by ‘We could do (insert fun and interesting option)’ or ‘I know this place you’d love!’ chances are she’s just not bothered.
   • Who text who after the catastrophic first date? Was it you? Be honest. It’s almost always me. I never learn.
3. She’s acting ‘weird’: Lets skip over those first few weeks of blissful lovey dovey perfection and amazing sex and get to the point (if you’re a typical lesbot this is around week 6) where the honeymoon period wears off and she starts getting distant and asking weird questions. Ladies, trust your gut instinct, if you feel like something’s up it more than likely is.
4. ‘The Break’: This is something I’ve done myself and I’ll be honest, that girl was lucky she ran! If your fantastically amazing new missus asks for a break after a period of acting weird and you know you’ve done nothing wrong, run. Fast. And hide for good measure. Especially if she says she needs ‘space’. Anyone who’s worth sticking around for can manage their own baggage or has already done this prior to entering into a relationship.

 

Ladies our womens intuition isn’t given enough credit. Trust your gut feelings, abandon the hope that the one you’re chasing may be ‘the one’ and look for the girl who’s chasing you. She’s undoubtedly a better catch!

Dear Sister,

Oh so you washed the floor? That’s twice I’d say. In your entire life. And I’m lazy cos all I did was dusting? Never mind the doors I cleaned, stairs and mirrors I polished, cobwebs I removed, carpets I’ve hoovered and food I’ve cooked in the past two weeks alone? Or the clothes I’ve washed and left back in your room, bathroom I’ve scrubbed countless times when your fake tan and hair dye stained the bath, conversations I’ve endured to support you and lies I’ve told so you can have a little more freedom? And this is the thanks I consistently get? Being told I’m a fat lazy cow and made doubt myself DESPITE you knowing I have pretty bad mental health and confidence issues already.

I am a better daughter, sister, grand-daughter and friend than you will ever know. I’ve listened to my mother tell me she was about to divorce my father when he was given three months to live, supported her and you through 18 months of hell as he was treated and through the new hell of life in the aftermath. I’ve listened and patiently explained to our aging grandparents countless things, listened to our grandfather repeat the same story a hundred times. I’ve played with our small cousins and managed to entertain 7 of them at once. You asked me to take the toddler after 4 minutes. I listen to them and get to know their characters. You wait for your latest scandal to upset the family, bitching about how you’ll ‘take the head off them’ and ‘some family they are’.

The world stops when you have a problem. My problems spilled out on the kitchen and bathroom floors and were stepped over. You’re minded and asked after and spoiled. I’m expected to follow suit. You’re pregnant at 18 and the whole family worry about you and how you’ll cope. I lost my baby during the first trimester when I was 19. My mother dismissed it when I worked up the courage to tell her over a year later.

Life isn’t fair, it isn’t rosy and happy or cool enough for you. And looking at how little happiness you find in things outside of designer labels and money it never will bring you much happiness. I hope this baby brings you out of your little bubble dear sister. Maybe then you’ll realize how much I’ve really done.

 

Love,

Your fat, introverted, geeky, strange, embarrassing sister.

Does It Get Better?

As some of you may know I got my first text based tattoo last winter, a beautiful piece along my left forearm saying ‘it gets better’. I love my tattoo, like I love all my tattoos, mainly because it gets me thinking. More recently I’ve been thinking about how it gets better. Should I have faith in something larger than myself? Or do I need to completely take the reigns of my life and steer it to a better place.

 

These are long running thoughts for me, thoughts that I’ve tried to solve both consciously and unconsciously through a variety of means, seeking a religion (conscious) and over spending on new and pretty things (somewhat unconscious).But these things have always been a ‘quick fix’ to a much larger issue, they help at first but inevitably leave me feeling more lost and empty than before. A wise friend told me that life will keep giving you the same lessons, harder each time, until you learn what you need to learn from them. I’m beginning to feel that for all my steering all I’ve been doing is distracting myself from what I really need to do, learn to love myself. I say this now, without complete conviction as I’ve thought I’d found the answer a million times before in cake, pretty technology and a puppy to name a few.

 

Loving myself is not a very appealing prospect for me. It feels selfish and a waste of my time and energy. It’s not something that has ever come naturally to me, not that I remember anyway. However arguing with these thoughts is my rational and all knowing higher mind, which throws such brilliant quotes into the mix, things like ‘to best serve the world you must start with yourself’ and ‘be the change you wish to see in the world’. To which my ever nattering lower mind rolls its eyes and pops them into the ‘cheesy things to say during coaching’ box. I have never entertained these thoughts much till now.

 

Last night I went on a date with a good friend who’s a few years older than myself. We’re very alike in many ways, both very good at distracting ourselves, both open minded and both very flirty. He has decided to take the time to really look at himself and the way he works in an effort to help with some of the stuff that keeps coming up for him. What struck me is his stuff is very similar to my stuff and he, being very similar to me, has tried to solve it in all the ways I’ve been trying. Which leads me to think, and more than think, really believe, that he’s on to something here. Maybe all the answers really do lie inside. Maybe it is much simpler than good jobs, fast cars and beautiful women. Maybe it’s the sheer simplicity of it all that confuses me, makes me think I’m getting it wrong, and keeps me searching for enlightenment in Victoria Sponge cake and cute jewelry.

 

The trouble now is, where do I start with this? How do I keep this simple stuff present in my mind?

Day 29 – Something you could never get tired of doing.

^_^

 

I’m never going to get tired of this place! Epic sweet goodness in a pretty shell.

Day 28 – Your favorite movie.

This is something that changes depending on my mood really! So I’m going to give you my top 5 that I routinely pick from in times of need.

In no particular order:

1. Finding Nemo:

 

2. Wall-E:

3. The Other Boleyn Girl:

 

4. RENT:

5. The Young Victoria:

Day 27 – A picture of you last year and now and how have you changed since then?

I honestly don’t know if I can measure my own human growth properly. But going by feelings, I feel so different to last year. It doesn’t feel like a year has gone by. I’ve gained and lost, finished and left be. Who knows where I’ll be next year?

 

June 2011:

 

 

July 2010:

Day 26 – A photo of somewhere you’ve been to.

Derry at Night

Day 25 – What’s in your purse?

I’m taking this as meaning my little purse as I’ve fondly named all my handbags Narnia for a very good reason!

So in my little purse is the following: Student card, drawing of an eyeball by my charmingly quirky missus, organ donor card, Boots card, Waterstones card, train tickets from Gloucester, Bank card, couple of euros in small change with a charm that fell off a bracelet, bus refund stubs, rewards card for http://www.yellowbrickroad.ie/ and a prescription.

My poor overworked little purse!

Day 24 – A photo of something that means a lot to you.

Day 23 – 15 facts about you.

1. I’m an old romantic at heart and like to be looked after.

2. I’ve been painting my nails since I was 12 and have barely spent more than 2 months in that time without some form of nail polish on. Thats 10 years of nail polish.

3. I’ve recently discovered that I don’t mind flying too much.

4. I’m a technology junkie.

5. I love learning.

6. I’ve two huge scars on my chest that I’m in constant struggle to accept.

7. Fourth year was one of the best experiences of my life, I wanna find a job that lets me feel like that.

8. I’m quite feisty about the things I believe in.

9. My small bedroom is 80% books.

10. I still care a lot about the people in my past.

11. I struggle to find friends who are true and not just using me for a shoulder to cry on or when there’s no better offers.

12. I’m slightly in love with my iPhone.

13. I’m horrendous at keeping long term commitments I start, like blogging!

14. I wanna find my forever girl.

15. Never bring me to an animal sanctuary, I won’t leave without several animals.